Family

   

            My Mother and I have never had the best of relationships.  From an early age I was always seeking her approval,, which is why, in teens and early 20/30s I have struggled if people didn't like me.
  It was only in my early 40's I stopped taking new items, I had bought, around to show her. If she didn't like,, I wouldn't wear or use it.  I have now learn not to hurt myself by doing this and haven't for quite some time now.
    I have a friend who tells me,, 'You only get one Mum,,,,,you should do things with her'.   True,,, I do, but as my Daughter pointed out,, she's only got one daughter.
   Theres been several things over the last few years that has hurt/upset/dissapointed me.  Things shes either done or hasn't done.  I let them go,,I ask her to things,,I have tried my best.
  I am taking her to the theatre this saturday to see a show.  I phoned her today, (answer machine), I left a message to say about the plans,,, times and that we can eat out beforehand.  It's now 8.20pm and I have heard nothing. 
  I am now realising that I have to step back, realise this relationship is never going to get better.  I wish I had the kind of friendship I have with my Daughter with my own Mother.  I have a brilliant relationship with my girl.  Its not been hard to form either,,,we just get on.  Teens years were hard,, but then they are meant to be.  Thats what happens, its normal.
   I think I just have to accept that this is it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,even if I wish it could be more...........